humble and lowly servant

I like the idea of writing this blog. I like to write. And putting my thoughts on paper and reflecting back upon it has enabled tremendous growth. The irony is 6 months ago I was concerned about my fathers progress. Not for an instant thinking about my own. If you would have told me 5 years ago, that “5 years from now you’ll go through a huge growth spurt,” I would have thought you’re crazy. If you go back and read my prior blogs about my understanding of the Baha’i writings on the subject of obedience and service to one’s parents, you’d see me come to the realization that in serving my father, I’ve really been serving myself. Not to mention, the blessing that my descendants and ancestors receive from MY obedience to the laws of Baha’u’llah. Without going into some mystical tirade – my children will benefit from my efforts to heal my relationships with my parents. Not just because their grandparents will play more active roles in their lives, but the wisdom and insight and compassion and understanding I’ve had to hone with my parents, will better able me to support and rear my children (and their children).

“The son... must show forth the utmost obedience towards his father, and should conduct himself as a humble and a lowly servant. Day and night he should seek diligently to ensure the comfort and welfare of his loving father and to secure his good pleasure. He must forgo his own rest and enjoyment and constantly strive to bring gladness to the hearts of his father and mother, that thereby he may attain the good pleasure of the Almighty and be graciously aided by the hosts of the unseen.” Abdul Baha

The first time I read this, I thought, “oh great.” I’ve had a few people say some REALLY nice things when they hear about me helping dad. Most of the things they say are more than what I really deserve. But rather than take away from the compliment, I’ve strived to be more worthy of the praise. Then this quote hits me. Here I am, already doing the “best” I can, thinking I have a role of a “wonderful son” to live up to. Knowing full well, that I’m not that “wonderful son.” Then I read the quote. But after reading it a few times, the last part of the sentence starts to wink at me.

When I said earlier, “that in serving my father, I’ve really been serving myself,” I meant that in a very practical sense. The truth is, I enjoy spending time with him. The last blog I wrote was written from beginning to end in laughter. And the blessings it has on my own (future) family, and my relations with my co-workers and my friends is very evident. But Abdul Baha says that serving my parents will make me “graciously aided by the hosts of the unseen.” Not Hosts, to imply God or Baha’u’llah. Lowercase hosts. Other people, who through God’s Divine Plan, sometimes unbeknownst to themselves, in a gracious manner are put into our lives to assist us.

The last few weeks, I’ve put much energy into the recognition of those hosts of the unseen. And though, in reality, I won’t be able to fully understand who, what, where and when I receive that grace, but I’ve felt compelled to put forth that effort of acknowledging those special people in my life and thank them for assisting me, graciously.

PHEW!

Dad’s started driving again. That’s been a huge liberation for him. He had a few days of freedom before getting on a plane and going to AZ. My uncle lives in Tucson. He has a nice pool, and so far everyday my dad has been taking advantage of it. Swimming is a great exercise and that dry heat is good for old people (not really sure why). He’ll be back in a week. In the meantime, I took advantage of his absence and had a crew come over and gut his place. We’re sanding and polishing the floors, painting ceiling, walls, kitchen, cabinets, bathroom… and installing some crown moldings and window frames. I look forward to making the place brighter and more vivid for him when he returns. I invite all of you come visit us in the newly remodeled place. And while you’re at it, visit your own fathers. Whether in service to the living, or prayers for the dead, ensure their comfort and welfare. Thousands of people are waiting to graciously aid you.

It's been a while, but there's good news

So Dad and I have been living with each other for (what only seems like) an eternity. When people ask how he's doing I reply "well enough to annoy the crap out of me." This guy's got PLENTY of life left in him. I took him to breakfast this Sunday. (sigh... there's so many stories I hope I remember them all; ok... here it goes...)

A few weeks ago, he couldn't get into the bath tub on his own. This Sunday he bathed on his own, but still insisted I scrub his back. Every time he has asked me to scrub his back before, I thought to myself - WHO THE HELL SCRUBS MY BACK? And I'm an able-bodied young man. This time I spoke up. "Dad, how did you use to wash your back before the stroke?"
"With the scrubber/handle."
"Then why can't you use that now?"
His answer was laced with his passive aggressive subtle ways, "I guess you're right." The truth is he wants his freedom and independence as much as he wants his son there by his side. I understand. and I scrub.

We went to Norm's for breakfast. There's something about that place and old people, but I'm too young to understand it. We had a great conversation over breakfast. I filled him in on my social life (a nice Baha'i girl I've taken a liking to), and he proceeded to tell me about how he knows her grandfather, and his family... his uncle (a fellow military man) and his mom and aunts... I learned more about her family than she knew. The idea of me settling down seemed to make him very happy. What made me happy was his first question about her was, "Is she good to you?" Not race, class, creed, or all that other garbage my generation's parents are caught up in. The conversation was a nice addition to the pancakes and syrup - just as sweet. 2 weeks ago we came to this same Norm's and I still had to cut his food for him, peel his creamers for the coffee, and he couldn't hold his coffee in the left hand. This week, he did all those things for himself.
AND held his coffee in the left hand. Not to mention, he doesn't walk with a cane anymore (but still carries it, as if he's gonna beat someone up)

After Norm's, dad asked to cruise around. He doesn't have his car (I had to confiscate that, but he asks for it everyday!) so he gets bored. So I took him for a drive up the coast. I remember a couple of feasts ago, he could bear to walk across the street to the car. Of course then I made him do it. Now (a month or so later) he got out of the car at the beach, walked along the path a little, before sitting at a bench for a rest. As he sat, I was taken aback by the majestic view and fresh ocean breeze. The flowers blowing in the wind, the wonderful smiles on peoples faces as they jog by, and even the cutest dogs in the world running along side a few. A jogger and her pup ran by. Dad pointed out that she had a fanny pack on. "In the old days, when someone had a big butt, we used to say she's carrying a load (bar-band) on her waist." I couldn't stop laughing. Here I am, thinking all nature and beautiful stuff, and dad is literally checking out girls butts. My laughing causes him to chuckle, and we both proceed into full on belly laughs, as more joggers go by. I'm sure it was a cute scene to witness father and son just laughing their asses of. Then, just as we compose ourselves, another girl goes by. "Her basket is not as full as the other one." BAHAAAAAAAAA!

After we continued our walk, and go back to the car, he asks to make a stop at the 99cent store for produce. Really? I had spoken of my dads fruggle ways, but 99cent store produce, dad? He (still full of vigor) decided to cook Celery Stew for dinner and wanted to get some celery. So if he wasn't worn out enough, I took him to the 99 cent store next to the new Whole Foods in Venice. (Kooky Venice people AND Organic produce - not my scene, but that's for another blog) Because of all the traffic at the Whole Foods, we had to park in the back of th parking lot, and walk across the lot to the 99 cent store. He mastered the walk, but by the time he got back into the car, he was REALLY pooped. When we got home, he went straight to sleep. The Karafs stew will have to wait another day.

So I'm glad to say dad is doing much better. Thank you all for your prayers and support. Those of you in Haifa, I love you all dearly. I pray for your steadfastness and strength constantly. And to my friends around the world, thank you.